What One Modern-Day Slave Says about Literacy, and How You Can Help

Today, I’m doing something I never do as a blogger…I’m copying my friend, Lisa Wingate’s blogpost for you to read. It’s posted today at http://www.southernbelleview.blogspot.com I encourage you to visit her there to leave comments, and I hope her story inspires you to learn more about Make Way Partners. Lisa’s original post follows as part of our combined efforts through Writers and Readers Reach Out 2012:

Each year, Shellie  researches a worthy opportunity for giving. This year, she has selected an amazing rescue foundation called Make Way Partners, which (among many other anti-human-trafficking efforts that you can read about here) supports a secure compound providing home, hope, medical care, and education to nearly 600 children in one of the most troubled regions of the world, Sudan.

Currently, the New Life Ministry Primary School offers education to young children who have been rescued from slavery, who would have had no hope of education or a future.  As the children in the program have grown up, the need for a high school has developed, so that the New Life School can continue its mission.

You can read more about the high school by clicking here.

To bring all of this down to human level, let me share a memory that’s close to my heart, as a writer and a reader.

A Human Trafficking Story Years ago, as part of a journalism assignment, I interviewed a tiny woman who looked like she might have been nearing her hundredth birthday, but who, in reality, was probably only in her sixties. She was arthritic, stooped, and less than five feet tall, but large in spirit.  The biggest thing about here were long, gray, dreadlocks. She had come to America on a boat as a child, probably from Haiti, but there was no way of knowing, as the adult who was with her had died. She was sold by human traffickers into virtual slavery in the sugarcane fields of far South Florida, where she worked for many years.

Due to the poverty, illiteracy, and illegal immigration in this remote location, farm owners were easily able to convince workers that if they attempted to run away, they would be hunted down and thrown in prison.  Like many others, she had worked throughout her childhood and well into adulthood, enduring miserable, hopeless conditions in the cane fields.  Finally, she saved bits of food and found the courage to run away during the chaos of the seasonal burning of the fields.

After years of living among the homeless population on the streets of various towns and cities, always on the run from one place to the next, she ended up at a shelter, where among other things, she learned to read. The day I interviewed her, I had the chance to go next door to the library, and the listen while she told folktales to the children and read to them from children’s books.  Her joy in this simple task was magnificent to behold.

The thing that stuck with me the most about her was her description of the gift of literacy.  She said, “It is as if the whole world is filled with line-pictures [written words].  And everyone around you can look at the line-pictures and see a tree, or a horse, or directions like stop or go. But you look, and all you can see are lines. You are not able to do this one thing that even small children can do. It is as if you are not even human. It is as if you are only a dog, walking on four legs, lower than everyone else. And then one day someone teaches you to understand the line-pictures for yourself, and suddenly you can walk into the world on two feet.”

When I read about the school in Sudan, my first thought was of this tiny, inspiring woman I met so long ago, and her description of the power and dignity of education.  We take it for granted in this country.  We complain about it, even.  But education is a tremendous gift.  Every child deserves it, and so do these precious Sudanese children, who have endured so much in their short lives.

They deserve, like that sweet little woman in the mission shelter, to walk into the world on two feet.

How to Help Storm Victims

Today I am thankful for people who reach out to help those in need after major catastrophes like Hurricane Sandy. I’m a Mississippi girl who spent my entire childhood in Louisiana, so while we in the South were lucky to escape Sandy’s wrath this week, we certainly understand the trauma people experience during such an event.

I’m happy to learn Writers and Readers Reach Out 2012 is recognizing the need to support those closest to home (in addition to sponsoring Make Way Partners). If you’re wondering how you can “reach out” to those who have lost their homes or loved ones from Sandy’s surge, CNN offers a list of ways to help, including links to Charity evaluators like Guidestar and Charity Navigator.

Thanks for all you do to make the world a better place.

j

Writers and Readers Reach Out 2012

Welcome to November - a month of gratitude and giving. This year, we are partnering with other authors by participating in Writers and Readers Reach Out 2012. The recipient of this year’s efforts will be Make Way Partners, an organization that works with individuals, churches, and other community action groups to help prevent and combat the evil of human trafficking and all forms of modern-day oppression.

If you’ll take the time to read just a few of the real-life stories on Kimberly’s blog of women and children who Make Way Partners has rescued from slavery, and for whom they provide long-term care, I believe you’ll want to participate in this beautiful journey of restoration.

Eight years ago, Kimberly L. Smith began chartering small mission planes to fly her into the war zone of Sudan where U.S. sanctions and Islamic regimes rendered thousands of orphans “unadoptable.” Providing food and opening a first-grade school, MWP partnered with an indigenous leader to rescue and care for these most vulnerable orphans.

Year-by-year, they’ve added a new grade to their school. Now, graduating eighth grade, the orphans of MWP have more education than many current leaders of their nation.

It is time to build a high school, making it possible for a generation of educated leaders to stop the cycle of violence and slavery. Read about a few of these amazing students and the complete high school proposal here: http://kimberlylsmithblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/battle-cry-by-guest-blogger-matt-mcgowen.html

I’m excited about the opportunity for us to join this effort and hope you’ll consider offering support as well. Just imagine…if we all pitch in, even a little bit, we could enable these children to attend high school. The trickle down effects of that opportunity are endless.

I encourage you to visit the website for Make Way Partners and learn about the many ways you can offer support.

For tracking purposes, if you choose to answer the field that asks where you learned about Make Way Partners, you can copy and paste the following label: WritersandReaders, Julie Cantrell (author)

Everyone can be of incredible assistance by using the power of social media to spread the news of this drive. When twittering or pinning this drive please use hashtags #WritersandReaders2012 or #WR2012. (My twitter handle is @JulieCantrell)

Authors and Bloggers: It’s not too late to join this effort. If you’d like to participate please comment below and contact audreym@makewaypartners.org with your blog site, Facebook page, website address, or any other acknowledgement you would like to use.

This year, let’s give others the chance to access safety, education, and spiritual/emotional/physical support even in the darkest corners of our world.

Thanks kindly!

julie

Adoption: What Do Adopted Children Really Think of It?

My friend, Catherine West, has recently published an emotional and personal novel titled Hidden in the Heart. In it, she taps into the complexities of the adoption journey, giving us a new perspective on those most affected by the experience — the children.

I hope you’ll enjoy getting to know Cathy, one of the many talented authors working within the Christian realm of the publishing industry today.

Fill in the blank: If you like to read ______, then you’ll like my book, Hidden in the Heart.

Karen Kingsbury, Deborah Raney, Susan Meissner – I love to write romantic family/saga type stories filled with angst and humor and most of all, a healthy dose of healing and restoration.

Cathy, you were adopted as a child. What do you most want people to know about adoption?

I believe adoption is a wonderful thing, however, I don’t believe it’s the fairytale a lot of people think it is. You bring home a relinquished baby from the hospital or from halfway around the world, and don’t get me wrong, this is a GOOD thing. That child is going to have many advantages they might not have had growing up, and most of all, get to be raised in a loving home with parents who can provide for their needs.

BUT…the growing trend within the Christian church of international adoption is something I’m watching with interest. Not that I don’t agree with it or applaud those families who are following the call they believe God has given them, I’m just fearful that many of these kids may grow up with a ton of unanswered questions and not know how to handle it.

The side to adoption that is often not explored is the long-term effect on the adopted child. Not knowing where you came from or who your birth parents are can have, and most likely will have, a profound impact on that child. If this is not dealt with sensitively, being adopted can turn into something negative.

When I was younger, I always felt guilty for wanting to know where I came from. I didn’t feel like I could ask questions. I was afraid of hurting my parents. In the end, I hurt myself for pretending I really didn’t care, didn’t want to know. When I eventually gave in and decided to search, I opened a Pandora’s Box and was blindsided by feelings so soul-deep I barely knew what to do with them, and hadn’t been aware they existed.

All this to say, I am all for adoption, but it is a sensitive subject and needs to be treated as such.

What do you want people to know about Christianity and your understanding of real faith?

Um, well of course I want people to know that all Christians are perfect, we never make mistakes, ever. We’re too holy for that.

Not. Seriously – Real faith is a journey. Real faith is understanding this, knowing we’re not perfect, accepting that we’re never going to be, and quit trying to pretend we are. Real faith to me, in one word, is this – authenticity. Be the real deal. We don’t have time for anything less.

What is the most surprising thing you’ve learned from your publishing journey?

I’m not sure I’ve really been surprised by anything thus far – maybe a few reader reactions to some of the things in my last novel, Yesterday’s Tomorrow. I don’t exactly write sweet romance, so there were a few raised eyebrows. Too early to say whether I might shock anyone with Hidden in the Heart. I hope not. Or maybe I hope I do. I don’t know.

Sometimes I think it’s too easy to sanitize our writing, to ignore the hard stuff, step around the mud puddles instead of jumping through them. I guess I like to think of it this way – if I never get dirty, I’ll never experience the joy of getting cleaned up by God. It surprises me that some people are still offended by this train of thought.

Do you have more works planned for the future?

New works – yep, I’m always working on something new! My agent currently has two books that she’s shopping, so hopefully they will land on the right desk at some point. If that happens then I’m guessing I’ll be in edit mode again, but for now I’m taking a bit of a break and doing some research on the next book I want to write, which takes place on a winery in Sonoma, CA. Yes, I do think I need to do first hand research for that.

Catherine West is an award-winning author who writes stories of hope and
healing from her island home in Bermuda. Learn more about Catherine by visiting her website and following her blog: Http://www.catherinejwest.com

What Can Be Gained By Silence

“We need to find God, and He cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature—trees, flowers, grass—grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence. We need silence to be able to touch souls.” Mother Teresa of Calcutta

There’s nothing I love more than a rainy weekend morning. As Sloth tells Millie, in Into the Free, the rain is God’s way of telling us to slow down and pay attention. Or, as Mother Teresa understood, it’s an opportunity for us to find God in the silence.

We not only learn the most in these quiet moments, we may say the most at these times too. This is something St. Francis of Assissi pointed out many moons before us: ”Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.”

When do you feel most connected with God?

When do you feel you are most able to share the work of God with others?

How does your family take advantage of rainy days?

Peace,

Julie

The Christian Left: Yes, We Do Exist

More than 700 attendees enjoyed the American Christian Fiction Writers Conference 2012

I just returned from the American Christian Fiction Writers Conference in Dallas, TX. I admit, I was a little worried about what I might find at my very first ACFW event. Would everyone be eating a certain franchise’s chicken sandwiches with or without a pickle? Would I be expected to donate stacks of cash to some gilded offering plate? Would I have to walk to a stage and let some shiny man in a purple suit touch my head and bless me?

In a world of spray-tanned, bleached-teeth televangelists selling credit-card salvation, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. Not to mention the onslaught of angry Facebook missives and vicious talk-radio chatter that sadly shines a hateful spotlight on the Christian worldview.

So…after boarding a plane and bulleting myself through the atmosphere (in what amounts to not much more than a metal sleeve with pretty wings and a drink cart)…I am happy to report…all the Christians I met at ACFW were wonderful, compassionate, fun folks! Better yet, I was reminded that liberal-minded Christians aren’t such a slim minority after all.

I’m VERY lucky to have the most wonderful literary agent, Greg Johnson (Left) and the most amazing acquisitions editor, John Blase (Right) who dared to take a chance on Into the Free. I can’t imagine two better guys to have at my side for this journey.

I’m grateful I published Into the Free with a fabulous Christian publishing house, David C Cook. I’m thankful I got to know many wonderfully talented writers who choose to write work that inspires people. I’m excited to return home to use the skills I’ve learned, and I’m humbled by the many people who approached me about the impact Millie’s story has had on them.

I’m so impressed by the people I met this week, I’m eager to introduce them to you. So…watch for tons of fun interviews. In the meantime, here’s a sneak peek.

Meet: Lisa Wingate, my friend and ACFW roommate whose brilliant novel, Dandelion Summer, earned the very first PERFECT SCORE and sent Lisa home with a Carol Award.

You’ll LOVE these two brilliant debut authors, Nicole Quigley (Left) whose YA novel Like Moonlight at Low Tide is a must read, and Jordyn Redwood (Mid) whose suspense novel Proof is one you won’t be able to put down until the end. Plus, they are absolutely the sweetest most amazing people you will ever meet. I’m very, very lucky to call them my friends.

And just in case you thought Christian parties weren’t any fun…Meet the werewolf and the robot, two speculative fiction authors who brought the Gala up a notch. (And yes…they’re both super nice guys. I promise!)

How to Start Following Your Writing Dreams TODAY!

Today, the WordServe Water Cooler, is hosting a blog parade. Twenty WordServe authors will share our personal “How We Did It” stories in hopes of encouraging YOU to follow your dreams.

We are represented by WordServe Literary Agency and encourage you to check out their website.

So, as we were discussing this parade, one of my writer friends teased me that I should tell readers how I went from being a nobody to a “New York Times and USA TODAY Bestselling Author” overnight. (Insert blinking marquis lights. Imagine me in Hollywood. And, while you’re at it, please make me skinny….and, what the heck, add Johnny Depp.)

Well, after reminding my sweet friend that I’m still a nobody, (and that “my Johnny” has no idea I exist), I assured her the bestseller status didn’t exactly happen overnight. And secondly, if you ask me who I am, I won’t throw a crass title at you.

So let’s talk about TODAY, and how YOU will put aside every excuse and sit down to write the next bestselling novel. Here’s how.

1. Read to Learn.  Avid readers make the best writers, so whip out that dusty old library card and immerse yourself in literature. Make reading a big part of your life, and learn from the masters. I’m always reading about seven books at a time. I leave them all around the house, in my car, in my purse, etc. Minute to spare? Story to snare.
2. Develop a Goal. I suggest you keep it simple: write a novel. Don’t worry about a specific market, agent, publisher, word count, genre, etc. Just tap into your creative energy, finish that first draft, and then worry about the details. At least that’s what worked for me.
3. Set a Timeline. What’s a realistic timeline for you to finish your manuscript? Set daily goals, weekly goals, and monthly goals. Some people write outlines, others wing it. Some aim for a certain number of words a day until they reach the end, others edit as they go. (Tip: Most adult novels range from 80,000 – 100,000 words.) I gave myself three months to write a novel (first draft). It can be done.
4. Keep a Steady Pace. The only way I was going to meet my three-month deadline was by forcing myself to put writing first. For three months, I wrote between 3 AM and 5 AM, sometimes pushing it to 6 if I was on a roll. Then, we started our busy day. Short on sleep? Yes. But it was the most beautiful personal experience I’ve ever had, and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. There’s something sacred about those silent still hours pre-dawn. Find your “sweet spot” and commit those hours to putting ink to page.
5. Snip and Clip. There is no such thing as a perfect first draft. In fact, there’s no such thing as a perfect draft at all, even after extensive edits, so take your time and edit your manuscript until it’s at least as close to perfect as it can be. Ask trusted peers to trade critiques, or join a critique group within ACFW or RWA. Study the craft until you understand the ins and outs of plot structure, pacing, character development, voice, etc. You don’t have to follow all the rules…but you should at least understand them. You may even want to hire a professional editor, just be sure to check references and don’t pay a fortune.

So now you’ve written that book. Congratulations! You are a true literary artist, and your creativity is a tremendous accomplishment. You’ve already met your goal!!! Don’t forget that…too many people get caught up with needing to reach the next milestone, and the next, and the next, never really celebrating the process. Find your joy.

Now for Part Two…the business side of the journey. (The part we don’t like.)

1. Share the Story. Once you have a strong, well-edited manuscript, begin researching literary agents. Look at your favorite books and find out who represents those authors/titles. Research Publishers Weekly for action in the publishing world, and keep an eye on agents who represent key titles within your genre/market. Also subscribe to Chuck Sambuchino’s blog with Writer’s Digest.
2. Query Agents. Make a wish list with your dream agent entered as Number One. Start at the top and query three agents at a time, following each of their specific guidelines (varies for every agency).  Keep track of responses using a spreadsheet, and if you cross one off your list, move on to another until an agent takes the bait. Here’s a free downloadable spreadsheet from Michael Seese.
3. Plan a Proper Proposal. If agents become interested in your idea, they will ask for your manuscript. Be ready to send them a polished draft. No excuses. Many will then request a proposal (some have specific templates they will provide). Be sure to take your time with the proposal and make it SHINE. Insider’s Tip: Don’t overlook the marketing segment…many agents say this is the most important part of the proposal. Here’s what Rachelle Gardner has to say about writing the perfect proposal.
4. Sign that Contract. Once you sign an agent to represent your work, sit back and let your agent pitch the book to editors. An experienced agent has built relationships with editors and will keep you updated on the progress of your manuscript as it moves through the various channels.  Soon, you’ll be signing a publishing contract and that’s where the REAL WORK begins.  (Steve Laube’s blog is an excellent resource for contract questions.)
5. Hold on Tight! The publishing journey is a unique adventure, one that some folks enjoy more than others. I’m reminded of the roller coaster rides at our favorite theme park, warning riders of all the reasons they should get out of line now before it’s too late. If you watch the exit gate, you’ll see riders with a full range of reactions to the experience. There will always be an excuse, a person questioning your choices, a reason to do anything BUT what you dare to do. But I stood in that line and I took that ride. Like a teenager running from the cart, I’m here to say – “That was awesome! I’m getting in line again!” This time I hope you’ll come with me.

Comment on this post for a chance to win a signed copy of my debut novel, Into the Free. And while you’re at it…you might as well skadoodle on over to my facebook page for updates, fun contests, and behind-the-scenes confessions about my life as a bestselling author (aka overworked, sleep-deprived, mother/teacher/farmer/literacy advocate/spaz).

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Best of luck with your writing journey, and if you are friends with Johnny…please tell him I’m ready to talk screenplays.

Interview with a Romany Insider

JC: I’m fascinated to learn you have direct ties to the Romany Travelers. You and I grew up together in the same town, and you’re now one of several people from home who have contacted me to tell me about family connections with the Travelers (others have confessed a Romany identity). Tell us how you came to know the travelers. Did you always know they were there? How did you become friends with them, and when did you begin to spend time in their Louisiana “camp?”

RT: I did always know they were there as my family became friends with them before I was born. I visited their camp in Covington as a small child, though I don’t personally remember this. When my parents separated, my father actually moved to their Slidell camp and I visited there a couple times a year after that. That would have been around 1980 or so.

JC: Describe the camp for us. What are some of your best memories from those visits?

RT: Their camp looks very much like a trailer park. They have several double wide mobile homes, as well as single wides and travel trailers. There’s a circular drive with the trailers set up around the perimeter. What I remember most about my visits is that I always felt like I was visiting family. They have always felt like aunts, uncles, and cousins to me. It’s virtually impossible to visit one family without visiting two or three or more. I have “snuck in” just to see my dad (he lives at the back of the property), but when someone found out later I had been there, they let me know I should have come to see them too.

JC: What did these Roma do for work? Did they travel, or was their “camp” a permanent one? Tell us about their lifestyle.

RT: This particular family owns carnival concessions and that is how my family came to know them as my family is third generation showmen. They travel from late spring to mid fall and the camp is considered their “winter quarters.” So, in essence, they have two “camps” if you will. The winter quarters are permanent and they all have travel trailers they use during the fair season and move week to week.

JC: We often think of our grandmothers without considering who they were as young women. Your grandmother led an interesting life, running away to marry a carnival man who traveled with the Gypsies, but you weren’t aware of her secrets until her sister spilled the beans. Tell us about her unique adventures and how that confession affected the way you view your grandmother?

RT: My grandmother was a very private person. She rarely talked about her life at all, married or before. I knew she grew up on a farm in North Dakota, but had no idea her parents had actually immigrated from Russia until the same sister mentioned that to us. We knew she was of German descent, but had no idea the family had lived in Russia prior to establishing their homestead in North Dakota. I wish I knew more about her family, but other than meeting a couple of her sisters, one of whom I’m named after, and a brother, we didn’t have contact with her family. If anything, the confession of her sister made me see my grandmother as a bit more rebellious than I ever gave her credit for being. She was always such a proper lady, I couldn’t imagine her running away to marry a carnival/circus man.

JC: Your brother, whom I also grew up with, married a Rom. Was this considered unusual? How did the two families react?

RT: It was considered unusual, but also not surprising since my brother truly grew up with his bride. He was maybe 3 at the time my father moved to the camp, so he literally was around them almost since birth in a way that I was not. He also worked more with them after he graduated from high school. I grew up on the midway as a child, then gravitated to a more “normal” life after my parents’ separation. My brother did not grow up on the midway, but gravitated to that life after school.

JC: Tell us about your brother’s life now that he is in the Romany circle.

RT: They have completely adopted him into their ranks. He looks like them physically. And you’d never be able to tell he isn’t one of them. He now owns his own carnival and makes his living in that way. He and his family travel up north in the Minnesota area during the summer and early fall.

JC: Another Romany Traveler I interviewed admitted the Roma prefer to stay a bit separated from outsiders. Have you ever felt judged or ostracized by the Travelers you know? Has your brother ever experienced such treatment?

RT: No, I’ve never felt that at all. While I personally have not been as absorbed into their inner circles as my brother for obvious reasons, I’ve never felt judgment from them. I have always known I was not “one” of them, but never felt uncomfortable because of it. I did have a huge crush when I was about 13 or so on one of their young men and that was quickly squashed, but that would be about the extent of it.

JC: What do you most admire about the Romany culture? What do you want others to know and understand about this minority group?

RT: What I admire most about them is their sense of family. They are so family oriented. Everyone is a “cousin.” They take care of their own. I also admire their joy of life. They are always ready to have a good time. Everything can turn into a party.

JC: One of my greatest fears in publishing this novel was offending the Travelers (and other subcultures mentioned in the book). I went to great extremes to capture these characters authentically. What do you think of River and the travelers who are portrayed in Into the Free?

RT: I saw nothing in your book that would offend the Travelers I know. I enjoyed the character of River, but honestly know no Romany man who was as well read as he was. The ones I know, while intelligent, are street smart, not book smart. And other than my preteen crush, I have had no romantic interludes with their men, so I cannot concur on how one truly would show his interest in a woman of his choosing. To be honest, I’ve never seen courtship among them. I would see people my age one season and the next time I saw them, they’d be married. Arranged marriages do still happen, but I have no idea the manner in which they happen. Even my brother’s marriage was a surprise to me. I got a call one day saying they would be married two days later. It seemed that quick to me. I later learned they had been “seeing” each other for nearly a year, but it wasn’t what you or I would traditionally call dating.

JC: Is there any significant difference in the way the younger generation is growing up? Have the cultures melded together now to the point we all live similar lifestyles?

RT: I don’t have any children. I have two nieces and a nephew and they are half Gypsy. They are growing up totally immersed in that lifestyle. Their grandmother, my sister in law’s mother, takes care of them often. She moved in with them when the oldest was maybe a year old. They attend school, but I don’t think they are encouraged to develop close ties with their schoolmates. Their cousins are their friends and playmates. JC: On a side note, Millie notes in church that the preacher believes many people are going to Hell. He includes “Mormons” in this list. What is your reaction to that passage and what would you like people to know about The Church of Latter Day Saints

RT: I have to say I agree with Millie’s response. I have many friends who are Mormon and attended their church when I was younger. Though I now consider myself non-denominational, I have great respect for their culture. Sadly, I sat in a Sunday service in a Mormon church when I was 15 and heard a very similar sermon. The bishop basically said anyone not sitting in that room that morning would be going to hell. That was the last time I attended church there. My faith is great, but I often find myself having issues with organized religion.

JC: Thanks so very much, RT. I really appreciate you helping improve cross-cultural relations and helping readers learn to offer more compassion and kindness to those on the fringes of our society.

RT: You are more than welcome Julie!

Mother’s Day Not Happy for All

Mother’s Day is a happy day for most folks, but not all. In fact, millions of American’s don’t have a lot to celebrate about their own dysfunctional family relationships. Many of you have written me honest, emotional letters about how Millie’s journey with her mother struck a chord with you. One reader, Amber Reichley, shares her own story here with us today. It is raw and painful and yet inspiring. She has bravely and honestly told her tale here, hoping her words reach the right person. Whether today is a happy day or a hard day for you, Amber reminds us all to love one another.

A Daughter’s Journey by Amber Reichley

I think most of us read hoping for a connection to the story, finding a little piece of ourselves within a character. Once I began reading Into the Free, I instantly felt like it was my childhood played out in the pages.  Reading about Millie’s Mama seemed like Julie extracted the memories of my own mother right out of my life story.

My mother, Sharon, struggled with addiction as early as her teens and throughout most of her adult life. I think she was only clean off and on in between the birth of me and my brothers. She stayed in an abusive relationship with my step-father for most of my life. They fueled each other’s drug addiction and the drugs only sparked their addiction to each other.

From early on, I remember her being gone for days; whether it be out on a binge or at home “gone” on drugs. I had no choice but to be the “parent”, as much as one can be at 8 years old. I was left to fend for myself, a 5 year old, and a 3 year old. I walked to the grocery store to get food for us, cooked what I could by myself, and rarely went to school. Not long after my 9^th birthday, my aunt, Sandie, took me into her home. It was the first time in my life where there was a normal routine of school, dinner, a good night’s sleep without a knock down drag out fight in the middle of the night. It was wonderful to have no cares in the world and be a kid for once.

Over the next two years my mother was in and out of jail. I would get letters from her making promises that she would change, get clean, and we would all be back together as a family. But those were empty promises made to a naïve girl. Soon there were no letters, no visits, and no calls. She just stopped all communication with me. I remember one day finally breaking down and asking my aunt why my mother didn’t love me anymore. How could she live so close and just not care to see me? I don’t know what answers I was expecting, but all I could do was let her go for the time being. I moved on and lived a happy life as a normal teenager.

I excelled in school and worked very hard at my after school job. I had never forgotten my mother; I just learned to live with her at the back of my mind. All that changed when I was 16. She sent a letter to me to tell my step-father was dying. This was the first communication in 7 years.  I reconnected with her and my brothers who barely remembered me at all. It was a strange meeting. Here was my mother that I had missed so much sitting in front of me and all I could think of was how angry and hurt I was for her leaving me. It was not the happy reunion I envisioned in my head.

We attempted to stay in touch over the next year or so, trying to build some sort of relationship. In the summer of 1999, she had a massive stroke and was hospitalized for quite some time. She was lucky to be alive and only suffered mild paralysis on her right side. It would be a long road to recovery for her. But for me it was like time had started all over after her stroke. Here I was in college at the time, and I was taking care of her all over again. I was driving her to doctor’s appointments, paying for medicine, and paying for meals.  I was doing all the things she should’ve been doing for me all those years. Not long after her stroke she had a heart attack. From then on her health declined and eventually her body just couldn’t ignore the years of drug abuse any longer. She passed away on June 15, 2001.

In the book there is a scene where Millie’s Mama makes her a tiara of clover under the shade of a pecan tree. Instantly I put the book down and raced into our spare bedroom. I ripped open boxes of photo albums, voraciously trying to find a picture. I found the picture in a stack of pictures we used at her funeral.  Julie’s words described this picture exactly. It was taken in 1985 with my Mom and my baby brother, Josh, in our backyard.

Once I found the picture, I dove right back into the book.  I read the next paragraph and began sobbing. I read it over and over again: “That’s the other thing I believe without a doubt. That Mama loves me. Always. Not just in spring , when things are golden and bright, and the stars fall to her feet, but all year round. Even when the heavens tease her. I knew it then, as I know it now. Mama loves me even as she is falling apart.”

These words could not be truer. I am not sure I realized this until she passed away. I think there was too much pain and anger hindering our relationship when she was still alive. Once she was gone, it just clicked with me. I could spend the rest of my life being bitter and angry about the past or accept that she made mistakes.  It wasn’t that she didn’t love me or want to be with me, she was sick from addiction and couldn’t see past that. From time to time, I go back and read that paragraph. I fight back tears and try to remember all the good times in the clover under the pecan trees.

Into the Free has allowed me to embark on a journey of reflection, forgiveness, and hope for the future. I hope to continue this journey, sharing with readers my story of acceptance and hope.  I found this quote on my devotional calendar on April 29^th, my mom’s birthday: “What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose”- Henry Ward Beecher .  Quite fitting for me; just what I needed to read that day!

 

And The Winner Is…

And the winner is….Heather Day Gilbert!

Congratulations, Heather! You’ve won a signed copy of Wildflowers from Winter by debut novelist Katie Ganshert. Please email me your mailing address so we can ship your prize: julie@juliecantrell.com 

As you know, I love to play games…so you might want to subscribe (free) to Julie’s Journal or like my facebook page so you won’t miss more opportunities to win.

Have a wonderful weekend! Thanks to everyone for playing.

Cheers, julie